I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
