when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
