the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
