do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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