is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
