His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
