i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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