my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
