We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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