I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
