My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
