My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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