is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
