So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
