We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
