did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
