Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
