even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
