When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
