you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
not ubering you a puppy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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