Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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