I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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