I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize