We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
