there's paper in my vomit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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