my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
