If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
