so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
