This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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