giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
