just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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