Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
