so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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