i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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