tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
