I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
