in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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