we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
