mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
