i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
