Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
