i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
