i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to rekindle our bromance
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
