I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
false alarm, still single
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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