Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
