i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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