Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
