It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
