I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
