tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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