he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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